Remember the concept of “Bait and Switch”? You know, when a store advertises something and then switches it for something entirely different and more expensive?
It seems that I am embarking on a version of “Bait and Switch”. I am not inhabiting the same persona.
I am recoiling from a first strike capability on my TO DO list. I have assented to a non-proliferation treaty on my ability to forge ahead. I am recoiling from a first strike capability to multi-task I am in shock looking for awe. I have stockpiled my weapons of mass exclamation points and finite periods.
In short, I am in a comma, the space after an open parentheses. I am paused. I am allowing myself to be where I am. Not be in the next place or be in the past, but just be here and now. Right now.
I am not rushing to the next action/reaction/place/phase/project/to do list item/location/task.
Just here. Just time. Just me.
And it is starting to tick some people off.
No, really. No. REALLY.
I would say that it is pissing people off but I really do not like that word.
I am feeling pressure from the “Supposta tribe.”
I am Supposta to do things to stay in this tribe. I am Supposta:
1. be here at this time
2. wear this suit
3. say these things, cover these points, and then
4. stop saying these things, at this time
5. quit being “pathetic”
6. f ight back
7. call a lawyer
8. put my foot down
I do try that. I take off my pumps, put my foots-both of them-down and Ruby bounces over and
licks my toes. Well, I guess it does work. But it is messy and does not feel good when the pumps are
But the tribe will not be silenced. I am Supposta:
9. take some time off
10. ‘get back to the old helen’
11. get something called “emotional distance.”
I have to Google that one.
12. take care of myself.
Um, would you please let me take care of you instead? That I can do. This other thing you want me to do—the take care of me idea—is pretty difficult and squishy with uncertainty.
But sure, I will think about it. Ooops, got another call.
Then it arrives: another option, another approach.
And then the impression warms me. I feel it before I am conscious of it:
- Be still and know that I am God*
- I will fight for you, you need only to be still**
- …tread lightly, hear your breathing, reach out to just one person today,
watch Big Bang Theory reruns***
These seem better for me. For awhile. For today.
***Jeremiah 29:5 (admittedly updated and paraphrased)
I Have Been Waiting
I have recreated my world toward waiting
…………..books to read while I waited
…………..movies to watch while I waited
…………..hobbies and projects to pursue while I waited
But if I could whisper it to you so as not to awaken my ego…
there is little need to wait any longer now,
I am Here
I have Arrived
And I am worth the wait